I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
