the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
