Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
