you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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