O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
