would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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