If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
pop tarts are not kleenex
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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