I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
