Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
