He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
