She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
