I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
