We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
