Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
