just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
