God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
