i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
