Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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