I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
