If that was your dad, he is hot
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
