Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
