but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm getting married
To pizza
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
