I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
