ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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