and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
