so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
