Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
