The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
