please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
