they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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