what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
