I am spending my child support on dildos
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
