It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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