So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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