Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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