You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
