She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
