Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
