Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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