did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
