She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
my liver is dry heaving
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
