Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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