alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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