I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
