make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
