just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
