I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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