hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
