I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
