I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
