Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
