i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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